Megan Kerrigan (00:01.678)
Hi and welcome to another episode of Meg Talks. This today is a solo episode with just me. So welcome back to our podcast. Now over the last little while, I have been doing some guest experts, I'm doing less solo episodes and now I am gonna be doing a lot more of them. I think as we dive deeper into becoming
more focused on what we want to hear at Move With Meg after being at the business retreat with my business coach and after realizing that I can open up a little deeper about some of the things that I have done on social media in the last couple of days. I feel like this is the space where I can elaborate a little bit deeper into those topics that seem to, I think I'm a bit scared to talk about.
in terms of maybe upsetting people, not upsetting people, but like rocking the boat a little bit in terms of the Irish dance world, but also in terms of the people that supported me through my journey. And what I don't want to do is make my parents definitely feel like they didn't do a good job because they were amazing. And my teachers too, I just want to share.
my experiences and how this has impacted me in my future up until today. I did that more recently on a social media post and actually it went really well. I was so relieved. On the business retreat that I was on in Ibiza a couple of weeks ago, I said to the girls, I was like, I really want to be more authentically me in terms of these parts of me that haven't really spoken too much about.
especially sort of publicly, of course, within my own family network and my friends and boyfriends. I have shared these feelings and these experiences and how they've developed me as a person. However, I haven't really shared them to my Move and Make community. And I think actually you're the people that will benefit from knowing about this the most. However, I feel like it's so personal and it's so...
Megan Kerrigan (02:21.486)
puts me in a vulnerable position, which as we get a bit deeper into the episode, you will realize this is really pushing me outside of my comfort zone. And explaining this to you is a big part of like me growing and becoming the bigger version and the next level version of myself. So with all that spiel said, this episode is gonna talk about the topic that I mentioned on my social media last week, which is...
parents or moms, teachers, talent dancers, not to cry at a competition. Now, of course, there's a lot that goes with this, and I'm just gonna talk through my experience of it. I 100 % understand that.
It might, it's a natural reaction, I think. It's a natural reaction for me still when I work with dancers and I see them a little upset or disheartened, disappointed at a competition, to not say, you know, don't cry. It's an automatic response. We do it not only as parents or teachers or role models to dancers. We also do it to our friends. Let's say our friend is upset and they're crying. We're almost like, don't cry, because it makes us feel uncomfortable almost, because it's a little bit out of our control.
So it's that feeling of don't cry and what that then is telling your dancer that relies on you for emotional support. So I'm really, really passionate about this because of the impact that it had on me into my future. And obviously there's lots of moving parts with all of this and to say that if you did the exact same,
and spoke the exact same way and used this exact same method with your dancer that the same things would happen to them and they'd experience the same in their future, that would be completely ridiculous to say. And we all know that everybody reacts differently to things, that everybody's personalities are already different at a base level. So I want you to take this as not me telling you that your dancer will feel this way if you do this, but I want you to just take this and do.
Megan Kerrigan (04:36.354)
Basically what you wish with this information, whether you're a parent listening thinking, okay, maybe I need to consider what I am saying and how it might impact their future. Or if you're a dancer and you think, I sometimes feel like that, maybe I need to have a conversation with mom or dad or whoever takes you to your fetishes. Take from this what you feel is gonna be beneficial for you. Don't take from it anything literal like I'm saying.
If you say this, this will happen. I'm not a therapist. I have been to therapy and I'm talk about that a little bit deeper and I want you to just be responsible with this information that I'm sharing. I'm very topic, very, what's the word? Passionate about this, but also I feel like I have to be very careful around it and that is out of respect to my parents and like I say, the people that brought me through the dancing world. But.
as an adult a little bit later in life. So let's say probably around five, actually it was a similar time to me starting move with Meg. I had been like all of my friends had boyfriends and were settling down and that's something I really, really wanted. But I think as a dancer that traveled the world and has sort of like been away a lot, very independent, I really struggled to make deep connections with people that
would be a boyfriend or partner. And for a long time, and I think many people do this, I did that whole thing of like, I just, there's no good guys. I always pick the bad ones. But actually, I didn't take any responsibility for that and I didn't look at myself in it at all. So this one day I was reading a book. Yes, I did read a self -help book for relationships. There's me being super vulnerable.
But as I was reading this book, I was sort of realizing that, a lot of this is like me protecting myself from actually having to be vulnerable, actually having to let someone in, actually having to share my innermost thoughts and my realest person. And it was at that moment that I thought, right, I need to fix this because...
Megan Kerrigan (06:58.646)
I really do want a family in the future. I want a happy, happy relationship. I want a partner. I was thinking about my future and the things that I see for myself. And I was thinking, I have to do something about this. I need to take action. So it was at that point that I decided I was going to go to therapy. Now I had never been really thought about therapy. Didn't really know anything about it before I started working at Tri Wellness, which
was a wellness center that I was working at at the time, like when COVID started, when COVID first sort of hit. And they were tri -being like three prongs. So they used to have specialists all under the same roof. So they had movement specialists. So myself as a personal trainer worked there. They had mindset or like therapists. So working in different capacities and they had nutritionists.
So we're really coming at wellness from like a three -pronged approach. But in this time that I spent at that wellness center, I really gelled with some of the therapists. We used to have like really nice conversations. And I think knowing and having a conversation with Rob the owner, who was really open about himself using therapy and how beneficial it was to him as a person. And he was...
my age, like seemed really happy, really go lucky. Like was obviously successful, was opening this wellness center and I thought, I kind of thought therapy was for people that had issues or problems. so thanks to Try Wellness for opening up the world of therapy can be just about bettering yourself and finding like the next level or like helping to understand yourself so you can be a better person. So that was a little digress.
But, so I went to therapy and in this time, the crazy thing that happened was I realised, and it all came back to everything that I was sort of like, not having issues with, but everything that I was finding in these sort of like relationship repetitions. So like allowing people to almost like push the boundaries too much. There were so many different things.
Megan Kerrigan (09:12.536)
that when we dived a bit deeper into all kind of related back to what I had learned and how I developed within Irish dancing as my sport. Now, of course, there's different levels to the amount that Irish dancing is in your life. And all dancers listening to this or all parents listening to this won't be as involved or might not be as involved as I was. Some might be involved more.
Let's say if you're a parent and a teacher, like this probably is like even more so. So like, again, apply this to yourself in the way that works. If you only go to dancing twice a week and you attend a couple of feshies, then this really won't impact you in the same way as like I was dancing six times a week at this point. I was going to every single competition. I was at a high level. So yeah.
Again, I'm just talking about the application. think I'm a bit scared that people are going to take this and run with it and be like, well, Megan said this, so it must be true. Like that is not the case. This is applicable to everybody in different ways. So the first thing I want to talk about that sort of came through was that boundaries. So this blew my mind when we actually, when she sort of said it, I was like, my God, that makes so much sense. When the therapist said, like I was saying, like,
In a relationship, I was kind of letting people, like, maybe, not treat me wrong, but like, I'd let them away with little things that, like, I didn't really sit with me well, so I'd be like, you know, well, maybe they won't do it again. And then when they did it again, it'd be like, you know, maybe they won't do it again. And then it would take a couple of times for something, like, that I didn't actually agree with or feel happy with to happen.
And then it would be like, no, I'm done. And I would shut the door and there would be like no emotion around that. So it's almost like I'd spent my emotion across those few times where it happened. And then I'm like, bang, no, done, shut the door, goodbye. I also always used to think I was class doing that. I used to think like, I'm so independent. I'm really decision -making. Once they hurt me, I won't let them do it again. But actually, no.
Megan Kerrigan (11:31.67)
What I was doing there was like replicating dance class. So hear me out. Boundaries. If you think about a dance class and it's like, right, this used to happen for me in dance class. So I'd be like dancing and this is the way I was motivated too. So it worked for me. So I'd dance and my teacher would be like, no, I'm not good enough. I'm like, let's say your toe's bleeding or your leg's hurting or it's the end of class and you've done like three falls. And you'd be like, my gosh.
So then you try again and you try even harder. So there's the first boundary is like, don't think I'm be able to get through this. My toes really sore. You get through it again. So you pass the first boundary and then they say, no, I've seen you do it better. You can do it better. You got that last bit wrong. Do it one more time. Cross that back foot in behind. And you think, my gosh, I don't know if I can get through this again. Like my toes really sore now. Now I'm out of breath as well. Another boundary. And then you do it again. And on that last time, the teacher is like, yes.
That was the best I've ever seen you do it. Now, what is that teaching? That is teaching that there's almost like these couple of boundaries that have to be crossed, that have to be pushed to get the good thing. So to get the compliment, to get the good feedback, to have the best dance that you did of the day. Can we see how that replicates into then my dating life?
So like that was replicated into me as a person. Like I naturally developed into an adult believing that you had to knock down a couple of uncomfortable boundaries to get to the good. Now obviously that suited in my dance world because it meant that I was pushing and pushing and pushing and I was not perfect but near a perfect at the end. Whereas in a relationship, if you're allowing, and this goes for all types of relationships,
whether they're romantic or friendships. And I probably did this a lot in friendships too, where I let things happen, wouldn't say anything, let it happen, wouldn't say anything, let it happen, and then it'd be like, bang, I'm done with you. Because the good wasn't there at the end. So I was waiting for that good thing to happen. And when that good thing didn't happen, I'm like, no, no, no, no, okay, this isn't for me. Hopefully you can see that and how that connects. So that's the first thing. I just want you to understand the way that
Megan Kerrigan (13:52.086)
what is happening does develop into our personalities and like having these conversations around it with your dancer may help them to understand and just be more self -aware going into life that like these things may creep in. There's not to say that there's no good place for them. Obviously, there's so many areas of my life, business, where like, okay, getting knocked down in business and like something not working and then me being like, right, but I know that if I go again, it will work.
See how like that's a positive way that this underlying way of learning and being is good. So I'm not saying that all of this is negative. I'm just saying that the awareness that you have around it helps you to know when to use it and when to park it almost. And that's what the therapist really helped me with. The second thing that I found really interesting when I was in therapy was where this all sort of tied back to. So,
I in and again, this is really vulnerable for me to share. I don't think I've ever really told anybody this. So please be kind to me. When I was dating people, always felt like I'm confident anyone that's ever met me, I'm quite confident in terms of like chatting to people. I have fun. I'm like quite easy going. I'll talk to anybody. I'll talk to a brick wall. However, when it would come to like talking to someone, I almost like
liked, fancied, would like to go on a date with, I basically was like the most nervous, felt like a 13 year old version of myself. And when I said this to the therapist, she was like, right, okay. I was like, it's really weird. go into like, generally, you know when you're in school and like, you don't want to talk to your crush, but like, you talk to everybody else, but like the crush, you're a crush.
or like the person you fancy is there and you're a bit like nervous so you don't want to talk because you don't want to get something wrong or I would feel like that like as an adult. So I again just thought this was like quite normal. I didn't realize other people didn't experience this. Anyway, so I, when I said this to the therapist, I said I genuinely feel like a go back to me and like a teenage 13 year old virgin of myself that can't.
Megan Kerrigan (16:09.792)
speak and is like a bit scared or embarrassed and all of those things and it took us a little while but we got to the point of this one big moment in my Irish dance life that she believes and I really believe it too sort of became the moment where I had to become emotionally independent meaning that
At this point, I was 13 years old and it was the point where, maybe I 13 or 14, near one of those, and it was the point where I sort of like switched to, okay, I'm gonna have to emotionally regulate myself. So as a parent, you are the emotional regulator for your child, for your dancer. So when they feel sad,
You're there to help them understand that feeling and to comfort them, to help them process it. They can't do that for themselves. As an adult, you can regulate those yourself. You know what you need to do. You know what's good for you. You know what, going for a walk is gonna make you feel better. As an adult, you have processed all of that and you know what you need to do. As a dancer, as a young person, you need your adult to help you regulate that. Same way a baby does, same way a toddler does, just because they are seen.
independent and they are, like, I think dancers are very independent and they're a bit amazing in that way, but I think that's where sometimes this disconnect comes in that parents feel like they don't need to help, they don't need to be the emotional support because their dancer seems to be emotionally, like, mature. However, they are still a 13 -year -old, 14 -year -old. So this, for me, this came back to...
this moment at the World Championships. So a little rundown, had come eighth in my first World Championships under 11, under 12, I had come seventh and then under 13, so maybe I was actually 15, I don't know, anyway. When I was under 13, so under 11, under 12, yeah, under 13, I came second. Out of the blue was like, whoa, what happened here? Like didn't expect it, was like six points away from winning the World Championships.
Megan Kerrigan (18:30.306)
blown away, right? The year after then, I sort of had that moment of realization like, I could possibly win, like it's within touching distance. So I thought, right, this is it now, this is my year, I'm gonna go for it. And I really had that self belief that I didn't have before. So I really went for it, had a solid year, was working really hard, was dancing really well, went to the world championships, hoping to try to, like the goal was to win. So I did two really good rounds, went into my set dance.
Many of you will have heard this story. I went onto the stage to dance my Planx -y -Davis and in the first two bars tripped over my own feet, bad. Like nearly hit the floor with my nose, bounced back up and danced the full dance. Like I felt like I had an unlimited energy. If I could feel like that, every Planx -y -Davis I ever danced, I would choose to because I felt like...
I could do seven in a row. There was that much energy of like, I'm gonna make up for this trip. Like, don't, you're gonna, I'm gonna make it sure that you can't knock me down. Like, I had this fire in my belly from that moment. Anyway, I came off, if anyone knows Belfast when it was in the waterfront and we had that old set dance hall, I came off and what you would have to do is you'd have to walk down the side to come out, but you would be visible to the whole audience as you walked out from side stage.
And I knew that the minute I saw my mom, I was gonna burst. Like, you know that feeling of like, I was so scared of like how I was gonna react. I knew that I couldn't hold back. It was like disappointment, frustration, upset. Like, there was so many feelings that had at that moment, but I didn't want to walk out and I didn't want other people to see me have that moment of emotion.
There's red flag number one. Like why does it matter what other people think? I literally just tripped over and ruined my chances of reaching my goal. If I didn't cry, I'd be weird. That's what I see now. But as a 14 year old backstage, I was like, right, I can't walk out there. Now was halfway through the set dance competition. I stayed backstage for the whole set dance competition.
Megan Kerrigan (20:55.724)
I stood behind a curtain so no one could see me and no one could talk to me. Cause I knew the minute someone said something to me, I'd cry. So I was like, right, if I just stay here, no one will find me. Absolutely fine. So at this point, I'm starting to regulate my emotions myself because I was like, I'm staying away. My way of handling it was not facing it, which obviously isn't healthy. So I waited till the whole competition ended. I then went back.
Pretty much the hall was empty and at that point was when I broke down with my parents, had that moment of like really disappointed, upset. Again, like trying to hold it back too, trying to not show it, which in hindsight is just crazy. anyway, so that was that. I ended up coming sixth somehow, which I was over the moon at. I thought it was gonna be like last, so to come sixth.
was still better than two of the years I've been in the world. So was like, whoa, how? Anyway, that was that. Years and years later, I never really gave it much thought after that. just thought, you know, that was a bad time, blah, blah, blah. Never gave it much thought. At therapy, my therapist was like, well, I sort of half explained it and then she kept going back to it and diving a bit deeper. And I was like, what is it about this moment? was like, so no one...
came to find you and I was like, no. Well, I was backstage, they couldn't. She's like, yeah, but surely they could if they really needed to, like if they wanted to, could, you're their daughter. And I never realised that that's what I actually was waiting for. I was waiting for somebody, and I'm getting a little bit emotional now talking about it. I was waiting for somebody to come and almost save me or like.
have me in that moment. And I didn't realize that that's what I wanted until that moment four years ago in therapy when she was like, do you not think you would have felt better if someone found you? You could have had that moment with them and then you would have been able to, I don't know, just thinking about that and thinking about, why didn't they? Why didn't my mom come and find me? You know, and then...
Megan Kerrigan (23:17.678)
I've spoken to my mum about this in hindsight. like, I knew that that's what you didn't want. So like, she knew me well enough to know that that's the last thing I would outwardly want. But actually, something that you want and something that you need, let's say a toddler, I don't want to eat that. I don't want to drink that. But you know they need to, so you make them do it because you're their parent. Whereas at 14, I think...
Obviously emotions were fresh as well for mom. She'd given up everything to try and get me to this position. Like all the late nights dancing, early mornings, getting to school, late nights doing homework, all of that as well. She was a big, big, big, big, vital part. So I think probably her emotions were fresh as well. But like knowing what to do in that moment. No one coaches a parent through that. But when I spoke to her, she was like, I just...
knew you didn't want me to find you. And the more we've spoken about it, the more we've both realised that like that is what I wanted. And she feels awful about it. And I'm like, it's not, it's not your fault. Like, because you did what was right, what you thought was right at the time. But in hindsight, if she would have come and found me, maybe I wouldn't have then developed and become so emotionally independent.
moving forward. this ties all back into from then on out, I pretty much never asked for help, never cried in front of anybody. Even like when it came to like grandparents' funerals, I wouldn't cry because other people were there and would see me crying, which sounds absolutely ridiculous to say out loud. And I didn't realise I was doing it for that reason.
I just thought it was showing weakness and I didn't want people to see me cry. And then the other really, really crazy thing was, let's say a film, I'd be watching a film and it would make me cry, but I would be fighting so hard to not let those tears come down my face because I didn't want anybody to see that this was upsetting me. Crazy how like they all link. It links to like that one moment and obviously build up before that.
Megan Kerrigan (25:44.75)
which led to that moment. But that one moment was that sort of like changing point of me almost becoming emotionally an adult. And that is where then when I relay that back into dating, because I hadn't really dated or like done anything or like being in a relationship, I automatically reverted to like that childlike 13 year old, 14 year old state because...
That was sort of like the last time I'd experienced this sort of like dating or this sort of like fancying somebody thing. So crazy. So when you look at all of that together, it's pretty much like, whoa, like, can you see how such a simple thing at the time then develops into the person and how they manage themselves in the future?
Another thing that sort of links, and I'm gonna tie up very soon, because I know I'm not ranting, but like, I'm going off on one here. So another thing that sort of like really linked and tied this all together was at about the age 16 or 17, I went through this stage of like crying. Now, obviously hormones changed, so that might be linked. Dancer's hormones.
I was more tired, there was a lot going on, there was more pressure because I understood what was happening at that time. I was like two times world champion or one time world champion going back to try to, I can't remember at which period this kind of set in. But I went through this stage at like 16, 17 years old of like not being able to stop crying, but not knowing what I was crying about. So my parents would be like, what, what, like what's wrong? What's happened? What, like, why are you upset?
and I wouldn't be able to tell them because I didn't know why I was crying. And when I spoke to the therapist about this, like she kind of like randomly got this out of me, it sort of adds into that. Like the way she described it was like, imagine you've got like a onesie on that's got a zip and for all those years that you wanted to cry but you stopped yourself, you're putting that like pink mush inside this onesie.
Megan Kerrigan (27:59.918)
And you've got to a point at 16 or 17 where the onesie's full. So now even the tiniest thing where you might feel like a small piece of emotion, that becomes, there's no space for that mush inside the onesie. So it overflows. And then you end up, then it all starts overflowing and you end up crying or being upset or acting irrationally.
towards situations and this can come out in different ways in people. It can be anger, it can be upset, can be crying, it can be so many different things. And that is what happened to me at age 16, 17 and I did not understand it. We just kind of put it down to hormones and pressure. I did not understand it until four years ago as like a 28 year old adult that's trying to work out why they can't get a boyfriend. And when you say it like that, it sounds so ridiculous.
But it's really interesting. And that's why I've wanted to share this because it's a big reason as to why I started Move With Meg and I set Move With Meg up in the way that I have. But it's also obviously very vulnerable, very my real life. So I've always sort of like kept it back a little or maybe told little snippets. But there's my sort of like therapy story and how everything linked.
Back to dancing, like I said, I don't want you to stop and think, my gosh, like dancing, it's all negative. Like, obviously I've got so many incredible things out of it. Number one, all of the best friends that I've got, I've got so many insane friends all around the world from Irish dancing. I would not change my journey for anything, but I just would, my journey still is ongoing with Move With Meg and I want to help other dancers.
to maybe experience a, not even a better journey, but a more consistent, a more aware journey. Yeah, and just make this dancing, make Irish dancing like a better, what's the word? It's not aware, it's like a more considerate place. And that is...
Megan Kerrigan (30:23.862)
a lot of the driving force behind what I do and how I do it. So like how we choose to deliver our services, how we, what our brand values are of like safety, acceptance, community, passion, like the reasons why they are our values, the reasons why the community and that element is so important to me, be having a safe space.
where you feel like you can say anything and be accepted and be supported. Also, that's in our members club, in the Gold Club. We've got that space that is just dancers within the Gold Club that myself and Annabel regulate and we go in there, dancers, we ask you what your worries are every single week, we ask you what your wins are every single week so that you can share both of those. It's not always about shouting about the progress. It's also about asking for help within your worries.
and whether it's I'm worried that my injury won't get better or I'm worried that I won't be good enough or I'm worried that I'll come last. Don't feel like you can't ever say those things because we've all been there and we all want to help you through that worry, through that moment and help you to understand and become more aware of yourself so that you can do it better the next time.
with a little bit less support. And then the next time after that with a little bit less support. And then going into your future, into your adulthood, when you're my age, you will know when you'll have all the processes in place to be a really self, self, what's the word, regulating, balanced, just great person. We also have our free parents Facebook page. And this again,
was something that we started after having lots of parents come to us and ask about, my daughter's going through this, or my son's going through this, my dancers are going through that. How would you deal with it? What would you advise? Because we forget that it's parents' first time in this world too. Yes, some of our parents might have been dancers when they were younger, but the dance world has changed. And then there's so many dancing parents that have never done Irish dancing, heard of it, seen it, and they've been thrown into this world.
Megan Kerrigan (32:39.586)
and nobody supports them. So we opened our free parents Facebook page called Real Talk and I'll pop the link in the show notes. If you're not a member, join it. We have different master classes in there, different guest experts, but also like it's just a space where you can chat, you can like other parents communicate with you and help you. It's just a really nice space for like feeling supported as a parent and being able to ask questions without feeling like.
stupid or judged or any of those things. So as I said, I'm trying to move more into being more open and approachable. Well, we are open and approachable. We like to be able to answer any questions that you have, but I'm trying to move more into like sharing more of our stories, our deep, actual, like vulnerable stories.
And I think the more that we do that and develop that, the better you will feel in coming to us with maybe your vulnerabilities or things that you feel a little bit embarrassed asking or sharing. yeah, number one main thing from this is like, it's not even the don't cry. It's just like more awareness around what subconscious lessons and values you are.
instilling in your dancer by saying the things at like, when you think of them in the grand scheme of things, and like, it's like a local Coventry fesh. And is that more important than your dancers future self belief? Like think about them at 30 years old, do you want that Coventry fesh to impact them as a person in the future? No, well, obviously we don't, but.
when we think about it like that, it's a really honest and obvious answer. But if you then stop and put that thinking into how you handle the emotions and the days and the upset and the highs and the lows, then if you can become better at helping them through that, through your own awareness, then they're gonna become better dancers and then your days are gonna be easier and just the whole Irish dance world will become a nicer place.
Megan Kerrigan (34:59.48)
And that's what I'm trying to facilitate always. So that might have felt a little bit deep, feel like it did definitely to me, but I know there was like emotions that came out in that, but I think you can probably tell I'm quite passionate about this and dancers and their development as humans and as young people that are gonna be entering the world. And like me, I've ended up with this business that supports dancers, like your dancer could be doing that in the future, help to facilitate.
all of that by being more aware of the way you're speaking to them, the way you are managing them, regulating them, and the tools that you're giving them for the rest of their life. Thank you very much for listening. We've got a few more solo episodes coming up very soon. They are gonna be worth a listen. So if you enjoyed this, please let me know your biggest takeaways, share them on social media, and don't forget to like and subscribe and give us a little review if you can. It just means that our...
podcast gets boosted up the search engine. Lots of love. Thank you, you guys. And I'll see you on an episode very soon. Don't forget that in the show notes, you will find the link to our Gold Club, where you'll find the Members Club at Community Space, and also our free Parents Facebook page, Real Talk. See you there. Bye bye.
